


Where the Roots Lie

by Caladran



Series: Ciel'nn's Adventures [2]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
Genre: Dunmer - Freeform, Morrowind, Other, Recovery, Short Story, the elder scrolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-13 01:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caladran/pseuds/Caladran
Summary: This is short story with chapters that happens after "Protected, no longer" story.In this story Ciel'nn who is trying to recover from the loss of a friend and find his roots again.This is also posted on Tamriel Vault's Story Corner.-Ciel'nn's Adventures 2





	1. Chapter 1

The trade ship arrived at the harbor of Blacklight in the late evening. The journey had been uneventful which to the Dunmer was thankful. Traveling by ship should make one refreshed, but it made the mer tired.

His plans were to rent a room for the next couple of days before heading to Mournhold which was a two week trip. Ciel’nn tried to remember where the nearest Inn was while he pulled his hood on and strolled towards the stairs to second level of the city. He avoided bumping into other mer since he wasn’t in the mood to talk with anybody, but an Inn keeper.

It felt strange to be back among his own kind. It felt like he had been gone for a longer time than three and a half years. The mer doubted anything had changed; the Great House Redoran and House Hlaalu kept bickering no doubt. But, in truth he wasn’t interested in house wars or their politics.

“The Gawking Cliff Racer” it read on the sign as the mer stopped by the door. Briefly he wondered what kind of people there might be in there before Ciel’nn opened the door. There wasn’t a lot of people as far as Ciel’nn could see; the majority was Dunmer, a few Nords and a Redguard. Only the Dunmer glanced in his direction. The mer shrugged slightly before he proceeded towards the counter.

“One room, please.” Ciel’nn said in a rough tone.

The Inn keeper, Dathus, nodded, and turned to pick up the key from a box. “Here you go, Sera. Third room from the left.” He frowned after the mer, who picked up his room key and strolled slowly towards the corridor. But, whatever bothered the mer wasn’t his business so he went back to his job. Thankfully the evening was peaceful.

Ciel’nn dropped his backpack and satchel on the floor once he had closed the door. He let out a deep sigh when he sat on the bed. The weariness of the travels came over him like a heavy blanket and he needed sleep. I forgot to eat, but I can eat in the morning. His eyes wandered around the small room until he saw a book ‘A lusty Argonian Maiden Volume two.’ Ciel’nn stared at it in disbelief and picked it up from the nightstand, browsing through the pages. Can’t believe they still read this crap, he thought while a sweet yawn escaped from his lips. He put it down and settled down to sleep. I need a bath, too. Azura guard my sleep.

The mer took a deep breath as the loss of the young warrior still stung him. He guessed he should have known it wouldn’t last long with the Thalmor and all. He’d need time, a lot of time to recover from everything. Knowing himself, Ciel’nn hadn’t recovered from the Celani’s death - the mer still felt guilty about it. He snuggled against his pillow as tears rolled out as he cried himself to sleep.

In the morning, Ciel’nn had a bath and now he was having some mud-crab soup and water along with a sweetbread and stoneflower tea. He was eating with a good appetite while he listened to the gossip about the arena event that was said to happen in the evening. It seems Redoran and Hlaalu were up and at it again. House Hlaalu was losing the events lately. Ciel’nn rolled his eyes for the news as he took a sip from his tea and scowled - it tasted odd! It had been a long time since he had it. He had forgotten how good those sweet bread tasted, heavenly.

Ciel’nn eyed the daggers and swords on the display. While he had no idea of blacksmithing in general, he knew quality when he saw it. The mer shook his head. “No, how much is it if you make me one special chitin dagger - your best?” He asked from Grendis Rolovo, the smith of Blacklight.

Grendis grinned. “What’s this? Everyone want Grendis’ best these days.”  
Ciel’nn frowned a tiny bit. “What do you mean?”  
“Just that, there was one Dunmer, who also wanted my best chitin armor.” The smith replied, “But, I can make you the best dagger. What do you do plan to do with it?”  
Ciel’nn leaned closer to the mer and flashed a dark smirk. “Now, how much does it cost?”  
“You have that dark look about you. Let’s say one thousand fifty hundred Azura's silver.” Grendis replied thoughtfully.  
“Add a new set of chitin armor with the price, too. When would they be ready?” Ciel’nn tilted his head while he put a stray hair behind his ear.  
“Tomorrow evening. I’ll start working as soon as possible if you’re planning not to stay for long.”  
“Alright, I’ll pick them up tomorrow, then.” Ciel’nn nodded with a smile and strolled away to look at the other stores.

The crowd wasn’t very excited as previously four House Hlaalu fighters had lost to four Great House Redoran Knights. They were taking a formation and prepared for the battle. Ciel’nn idly watched the fight breaking to furious clashing between the two houses from his place, at the middle ring of seats. The way Redoran Knights fought peaked his interest and the mer found himself watching them intensely. The fighting style was immediate and unforgiving. I wonder if I can mix those moves into my style of fighting. Ciel’nn noted every move and blade twist that he could commit to memory.

“This arena could use a change.” Someone said from the upper row while everyone saw House Hlaalu was losing again.  
“Really. This is getting boring. Why don’t they bring Nords to fight?” Another voice replied.  
“We need new blood for sure. For excitement.” Third voice said in an approving tone.

Ciel’nn heard the talk even he was focused on the battle below. He had seen how the Redoran fight now and the mer pondered if he had any chance against them. Of course he’d had a partner. Alone he wouldn’t have a chance against the Redoran Elites. To join the event was an exciting and daunting idea. I wonder if they accept duels? He watched the event ending with the Redoran Knights being victorious. It had been nearly boring, but Ciel’nn had learned something and he left the arena in deep thoughts.

The Temple was beautiful and well kept. Ciel’nn bit his lower lip as he walked further into the room where the Shrines of Azura, Mephala and Boethiah were. Slowly he walked in front of the Shrine of Azura and knelt down with a deep breath. His intention was to find the link back to his Daedric Prince he’d lost and meditate at Mephala’s Shrine since he had something to ask, lastly was Boethiah to root him back where he was before. It felt an eternity since he’d felt anything like home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel'nn heads to Mournhold to meet an old friend.

The two weeks travel on foot wore Ciel’nn out because he didn’t want to buy a guar. He didn’t have a lot of things with him and traveling lightly was usually a smart choice. He had slept in safe enough shelter outside, only to wake up to stare at a s’wit of a reaver, who had tried to take his backpack. Being tired from traveling, Ciel’nn ended the reaver’s life rather savagely with a growl.

In other nights he slept in Redoran cities like Ald’Silgrad and bought more supplies for the rest of the journey. Ciel’nn was rather disgusted when he noticed the Inn keeper selling guar foods. The mer never eat guars - they were either pets or pack animals to him. Knowing his trip was in half way before he’d arrive at Mournhold put him in better mood. The next stop would be at Mournhold, before that he wouldn’t take major pauses.

Ciel’nn realized how much he had missed Mournhold as the walls of the city came into his view. The mer took a deep breath. He had scratches and minor cuts from fights with the reavers, his face was covered in dirt, to his annoyance his hair was a mess and rough and his whole body was aching and tired from the travel. It was a wonder how he was still standing. Still, he had to go on just a little while, he told himself, before he could rest.

The city hadn’t changed a lot, if at all, when Ciel’nn walked through the gateway, but he wasn’t going to look around. The hostel, as he remembered it, was on the other side of the city and the mer slowly shifted to walk across the city. He got some shocked if not disgusted looks from the other mer who passed by him. “Must have been in a tomb, or something.” They said. S’wits. Ciel’nn sighed.

He stared in disbelief at the hostel which was actually a brothel. Somehow he always had thought it was a hostel, or maybe it was his childhood memory - he wasn’t sure. Whatever the case was, he still needed to go in and look for his friend. If he still works in there that is. Ciel’nn shrugged his shoulders and opened the door, marching in. The lobby was still the same to his memory; he really couldn’t tell if anything had changed or not. 

There was a fancy styled female Dunmer behind the counter. She eyed the mer. “You look quite young, boy. How I may help you?”

Ciel’nn stepped closer the counter. “Sera… Does Maros still work here?” He asked in a tired tone. His own voice sounded rough as Oblivion to his own ears, but he suppressed his grimace by biting his lower lip.

The female Dunmer seemed to think a while before she replied. “Oh, you fancy Maros! He’s our star these days. I bet you can’t afford him.” She flashed a coy smile.

N’chow… I need to rest. The mer stared for a second. “I bet you don’t remember me, do you? Loliah was it?” Ciel’nn snarled. “I just came to see my friend if you don’t mind.” He observed Loliah gasping in mild shock as she recalled him from a long time ago, then she bloomed into a warm smile.

“You’re… the boy, whose face was bruised and took shelter from here! You’re Ciel’nn!” Loliah beamed in joy as she finally remembered the scene. “I’m sorry, it’s been a life time for me. I was a dancer back then and now I’m the manager.”

“Whatever. Is Maros still in the same room?” Ciel’nn snapped. He remembered the woman vaguely, and she was becoming annoying — he couldn’t care less if she was the manager, or not. 

“Yes, Maros. He’s on the second floor, last room. It’s nice to see you’re still doing well.” Loliah nodded with a smile.

You have no idea.

The mer just nodded tiredly and headed for the stairs. It was a relief his friend was still around, and that thought made him nervous as he climbed the stairs while taking his sweet time. He had left without a word, nor sent a word to Maros before he left to look for his cousin. It’s been a while and Ciel’nn wondered how Maros might react for seeing him like this. Maros was older than him after all. Finally he reached the end of the corridor and stopped for a brief moment before knocking on the door. Hopefully he lets me rest here because I can’t walk anymore.

“Better have a damn good reason to come at this time of day!” A familiar voice snapped, then there were foot steps before the door opened. A still beautiful Dunmer male with short reddish hair and dressed in relaxed clothing, stared at the younger mer, who was leaning against the door frame. Maros’ expression softened as he realized who was looking at him. “Well, I’ll be damned. Ciel’nn Sarion - you look like a kwama shit, daeljuhn.” The older mer crossed his arms on his chest while Ciel’nn burst into a laugh.

Ciel’nn was relieved - Maros hadn’t changed at all. Still the same old snappy mer. “Daeljuhn, it’s good to see you, too.” He smiled after his laugh and was barely standing. “Maros, can I stay over a day or two?” After he’d said that, Ciel’nn collapsed and Maros had to catch him in his arms before the younger mer hit the floor. “Where in Oblivion have you been, hm? Let’s get you inside. By Azura, you stink too!”

After a bath and some good sleep, Ciel’nn was somewhat back to his normal-self, but he was still tired. Maros had been a good friend and had bought some food for them. The young mer was sitting and sipping some imported honey tea while he listened to his friend’s rant.

“I still can’t believe you left without a word. Nearly 5 years! I was worried!” Maros scolded as he glanced at Ciel’nn. “Are you alright at all? And, what happened to your face?” He frowned and sipped his own tea.

“Where to begin?” Ciel’nn sighed. He really didn’t want think back in time, but he owed Maros an explanation. “My cousin went missing and I had to try and find him.” He tried to explain how things went, even how much it hurt him.

“You wanted a Nord? You, Ciel’nn Sarion wanted a Nord. Tell me he was handsome at least.” Maros shook his head slightly in disbelief. “I thought you was into our own kind, even it’s not looked at a good way.”

“I’m still! I just… uh…” The younger mer had to think a bit. “He was a handsome Nord.” He fought back the bitter feeling and tears that threatened to spill out. “Calm down, I was joking.” He heard Maros comforting him. “I guess I was feeling lonely after I didn’t have anyone familiar around me.” 

The older Dunmer set down his cup on a tea table and came to hug the younger mer. “It’s alright. I think we all are sometimes lost and confused.” Maros brushed the black silken hair of Ciel’nn. He pulled the younger mer closer to him as Ciel’nn started sobbing. “You’re at home now. You need time to recover and do whatever you need to find yourself again.” The older mer knew he was stating the obvious, but it was better to keep talking than let Ciel’nn cry in silence. “That Dremora Lord, is he gone now?” The older mer asked in a gentle tone.

“I don’t know. I haven’t had nightmares for a while, but then my dreams are unclear.” Ciel’nn replied while he took a deep breath. “The whole Oblivion visit was a blur.” He added while he traced Maros’ ring. Silver and a few tiny gems…hmm. “Do you still have my apartment key?” His apartment probably needed some cleaning before he’d set up in there for the time he’d stay and plan what to do next. 

“Let’s hope it stays away then. If it comes here, I’ll kill it for you.” Maros promised. “And, of course I have your key. How long do you plan to stay at the city?”

“Maybe a week until I figure out what to do. I have some things to set right, too.” Ciel’nn replied while he had calmed down, but Maros didn’t let go of him. He could only smile about the remark of killing the Dremora Lord. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too. Let’s go out and have some dinner. I still have a lot to ask from you.” Maros planted a soft kiss on Ciel’nn’s forehead before standing up. He helped the mer up before they headed towards the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel'nn and Maros cleaning Ciel's apartment and later Ciel'nn goes to the campsite where he used to hang around with his cousin.

The apartment looked like no one had used it for years. Dust was gathering in every corner. It would take some time to clean. Ciel’nn sighed as he eyed his old apartment - he had spent time in here with his cousin and learning alchemy. It had been his small sanctuary after the event at his parents home. Maros had been more than a big help back then and now. It eased Ciel’nn’s aching of being alone.

“Well, I wish I know a Telvanni spell that clears the dust and trash.” Maros sighed while he looked into a few side rooms from the hallway. “I guess we just have to clean it.” The older mer sighed. “What did you find there?” He asked in a curious tone and stepped closer to his friend.

Ciel’nn brushed the dust off from the old strong box and opened it. It had his alchemy notebooks and several poison vials. He picked one up and brought it close to his face to study the vile looking liquid. It must have been a long time when he had left these in the house. “I’m checking my poisons. Looks lethal.” The younger mer grinned at Maros, showing the vial. It was darker shade of green with a tint of red. 

The older mer raised his eye brow. “Tell me what it does?” Of course, he knew what poisons did to people, but he wanted to hear Ciel’nn explain in detail. Maros always had known the hidden darkness that Ciel’nn had since they’d met the first time. Still, the younger mer was an adorable friend, when he explained things that fascinated him. Ciel’nn was also sensitive inside, even if he didn’t show it. Like a shalk bug - tough outside, tender inside.

“What’s with that face now?” Ciel’nn frowned only a fraction. “Anyway,” he stood up, holding the vial, “it attacks the nerve system; you’ll lose mobility while it spreads,” he said in a low tone, “and then, you’d feel the slow and painful death as you twitch as it reaches your heart.” The young mer pressed a finger on Maros’ chest and moved it up to the spot where the older mer’s heart was. “Your last breath to pray for your god…” The last words Ciel’nn whispered in a dark tone and smirked.

Maros was quiet for a while while he observed his friend, whose darkness had finally bloomed out. Normally a person would have gone pale from hearing it from Ciel’nn, but the older mer knew it all along. It wasn’t a bad kind of darkness - it was his defense and a weapon. A slow smile crept on the old mer’s lips. “You’ve bloomed into a Black Anther, Ciel’nn.” He stepped closer to the younger mer and brushed a stray hair of his friend behind his ear. “I’m proud of you. How many people have you made suffer?” His tone was soft and caring.

“Several. Sometimes I had some time to stay and watch them die.” The young mer replied, enjoying Maros’ gentle touches on his hair. Sometimes he wondered how the older mer could stand him, but it was like he understood him. The only one who understood him and accepted his dark side, too. ”Daeljuhn, I’m glad you’re my friend.” Ciel’nn whispered and hugged Maros, who took him into an embrace. 

“There, there. I’m here now.” The older Dunmer soothed his friend. “And, I won’t let you go before you’re whole again.” His embrace tightened, signaling to Ciel’nn that he cared deeply. “Now let’s clean this house.”

——

The two old friends had some dinner which after the older mer went back to his place, and Ciel’nn promised to come back after he’d visit the camping place that was special to him. He wondered what he might find there and if he’d see Ce’vale’s ghost, too. It had sounded like his cousin had something to say before the mer had been brought back from Oblivion.Just the memory of that event made the mer grimace. He strolled out of Mournhold and headed towards the lake area. I wonder if the campsite still exists.

The route to the campsite seemed to be peaceful and somewhat untouched. There was some grass growing over the place. Ciel’nn looked around the area briefly when his memories surfaced vividly and the mer sighed. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but it was his idea. Ce’vale… First he needed to gather some wood for the campfire. The wood he gathered from the nearby trees, and he took out a flint and tinder to make the fire.

“Why don’t you use the fire spell?” A familiar voice asked. “Or, have you forgotten how to use spells altogether?” The tone had a slight amusement.

The sudden voice almost startled Ciel’nn, but he calmed down faster than panicked guar in the mine. He stopped what he was doing and stood up, turning around to see the ghost of Ce’vale walking towards him. “Cousin.” A small smile crept on the mer’s lips. “I’ve missed you. And, no I haven’t forgotten the spells.” It was strange to talk with his cousin like this. Who knew how long they had before Ce’vale had to go back? The young mer would hug his cousin right now if only he could. “How come you’re here?” 

“I’ve missed you, daesohn.” The ghost of the older mer nodded with a smile. “Light the wood first, but don’t burn the place up.” Ce’vale prompted.

Ciel’nn smirked, “You still remember that accident?” He turned towards the arranged campfire place. Someone had told him he had an aspect of being fire mage, but it didn’t inspire him as much as being an assassin, not to mention his love for poisons. The mer extended his arm. It was really an accident back then. He closed his eyes as he thought of the fires of the red mountain for a brief moment - it always helped him to focus on the spell, and re-opened his deep red eyes while the small flame formed on his palm. “I still got it, cousin.” With that, he cast the flames spell on the woods.

Ce’vale shifted to the flickering campfire and sat down on the ground, with Ciel’nn sitting down next to him. “It wasn’t an accident. We both know how it did went down.” The cousin spoke quietly. “Listen, Ciel’nn, I’m here because I was granted some time with you.” He paused while the younger mer was listening to him. “I wish I could lean on you.” He heard Ciel’nn saying in a sorrowful tone. “I know, but how have you been holding up?”

“Not good. I’m… not good.” The words came out choked. Ciel’nn felt the tears rolling out. “What in Oblivion am I supposed to do?” He really didn’t have a clue what he should do. If he’d travel with someone, they’re bound to die eventually. Maybe it would be best to travel alone.

“You need to let it go and forgive yourself. What do you want to do?” Ce’vale asked. “I wanted for us to go for a journey and find something. Now I want for you to go on and find something that is important to you, Ciel’nn.” He paused to think of something. “If you feel lost - meditate at the shrines.”

What he wanted to do? What did he want? Nobody ever asked him that question, nor nobody cared, except a few people he’d known. What did he really want? That remained unknown to him yet, but perhaps he’d find out soon. “I want someone, who is stronger than I am. Someone, who wont run away from what I am. That and something that lies beyond the horizon.”

“There you have your answer, daesohn. You’ll find your way and my time is almost over.” Ce’vale stood up and Ciel’nn followed him. The ghost of the older mer studied him. “You’ve come far. I know you’ve been through a lot, but you’re stronger than you know.” Ce’vale smiled warmly before he began to fade. “I’ll be watching over you, cousin.”

“Tell mother I miss you both.” Ciel’nn whispered before he broke down in tears and fell on his knees. 

Ciel’nn stayed at the campsite staring into the fire and thought on Ce’vale words. Once the fire died he collected himself before he headed towards the city. He’d need to visit the shrines before he’d go back to Maros’ place. The older mer was probably anxious about his whereabouts as it was late already. He’d also need the mer to be close to him tonight.

 

\---  
Daesohn = brother (there wasn’t cousin in the Dunmer dictionary so this have to do)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel'nn travels to Neo Davon to pay his respects to his dead fiancee grave.

Chapter 4

 

It had taken a while for Ciel’nn to decide if he’d go to Neo Davon and visit Celani’s grave to pay his respects. It was a chance to meet Celani’s parents - Ciel’nn felt a shudder go through his body as he thought about it. He dreaded to meet her parents after her death, but he had do this before he’d be able to let it go. A soft sigh escaped from his lips.

“Are you sure you want to do this? The Indoril are still strict if I’m not mistaken.” Maros asked as they were standing at the gateway of Mournhold. They had visited the shrine on a daily basis until Ciel’nn was ready decide on the next move. He had been crying a lot, but the younger mer had started to feel better, even if he didn’t say it - Maros wouldn’t know this if he wasn’t a keen observer. To see his friend up and about something made the older mer happy.

Ciel’nn looked to the older mer. “I have to do it. How else I get the guilt off my chest?” His eyes shifted towards the road. “I need to do this so I can forgive myself.” He stated, more to himself than to Maros. He’d follow the Pilgrim’s route that he did with Celani and meditate at the shrines to honor her memory.

“Alright, but you come back here before you leave again. Am I understood, Ciel’nn?” Maros said and put his hand on Ciel’nn’s shoulder. The younger mer nodded. “When you say it in that tone how can I say no?” Ciel’nn replied with a smirk. “I’ll see you later, Maros.”

—

The trip to Neo Davon would have taken five days, but Ciel’nn hadn’t prepared for the ash storms that broke out abruptly. He had pulled his hood and face mask on while he tried to find a shelter. The nearby cave seemed to be good enough, but the mer was prepared for a fight if something or someone inhabited it.

The cave had been taken by three reavers that had settled in nice and warm around the small campfire. Ciel’nn used the shadows and sneaked further in until he heard them talking about robbing a guar merchant, who would be passing by the next day. The mer narrowed his eyes at this and took his bow from his back. Those fetchers will bleed. Ciel’nn let out a silent growl. Quietly he notched a chitin arrow and aimed.

The arrow flew and the reaver screamed in pain on his shoulder. “S’wit!” The other two reavers scrambled on their feet, cursing and prepared to fight the invader. “

In the shadows, behind the mask, a dark smirk crept on the corner of the mer’s lips. Ciel’nn took his blades out. He took some delight of this situation as he waited the reavers to come closer. The closest reaver was approaching his spot and the mer prepared to lash out. An unseen and quick slash of a blade from the shadows ended the reaver’s life while he gasped and collapsed on the ground.

“Show yourself, S’wit!” the second reaver growled, searching for the assailant. He didn’t need to look for long as the mer stepped in front of him. The blades clashed in a short struggle before the reaver slipped and felt a dagger stabbing into his side. He fell on his knees, clutching to his wound.

Ciel’nn left the reaver alone and proceeded straight to the last one. He was tired from walking and wanted to end this pitiful fight. They weren’t even a challenge for him! Without further ado, he stepped in front of the wounded reaver. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Ciel’nn slashed the reaver’s throat unceremoniously. He turned to look at the second reaver, who was bleeding to death. Bleeding since the dagger wasn’t poisoned. The mer deemed the reaver would die soon enough and settled around the campfire.

In the morning, at New Davon, Ciel’nn had to ask a Temple priest if Celani’s grave was in the family ancestral grave. He felt bile in his throat when he approached the ancestral grave door. It was his fault she’s dead. The guilt was his alone. Slowly the mer opened the door and slid inside.

Ciel’nn knelt down in front of the small ashen grave with candles around it. He breathed heavily as if he had difficulty to breathing. The memories of their shared time and the day of her death surfaced in his mind. He bit his lower lip and lightly shook his head before he took a deep breath. With closed eyes, the mer focused.

Celani. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I’ve missed you since you died which is my fault entirely. I should have done something, but it happened so fast… I should have refused to become your temporal guard. Everyone who travels with me tends to die sooner or later. I… I miss you. A lot. I had a lot to say.

I don’t know how I can atone your death. I hope you’ll forgive me. If there’s a judgment coming I’ll take it.

“What do you do here, fetcher?” A stern male voice asked from the stairs.

Ciel’nn’s eyes opened rather abruptly as he was startled by the voice he knew belonged to Celani’s father, Garnas, the head priest of the New Temple of Neo Davon. His heart jumped into his throat while he tried to swallow. Garnas was a hard mer to speak and to deal with - Ciel’nn had experienced it when he and Celani were trying to get permission to marry. Celani had done the most of the talking and persuasion. Finally Garnas had accepted it. As for now, the mer had no idea what he was going to face, though he’d even accept a punch. So, he stood up and turned to face the head priest. “To pay respects, sera.” Maybe politeness would help. He still scares me.

Garnas approached his daughter’s grave, his gaze hard on the young mer. The gaze that blamed you for everything that happened to his daughter. Without a word, the head priest stopped close to the mer and kept his gaze on him for a while. “You let her die, then come here to pay respects? Tell me why shouldn’t I throw you out right now?” He said in an even tone like he’s gritting his teeth together and turned towards the grave. “My daughter is gone and all I get is your returning here to pay respects… after all this time.”

Ciel’nn never had felt so small than he did now. It was obvious to him that the Head priest still hated him. There wasn’t a soft way out of this. “I can at least explain why I wasn’t able to save her?” He probably denies that from me, but it’s a worthy shot. And, another case if he believes me.

“Go on. Let her hear your lies, fetcher.” Garnas said through gritted teeth, and the young mer began to explain how they were on a walk to the shrine when the Dremora Lord had attacked them and Celani had been in between them, getting the killing strike. As for why the Dremora Lord had attacked was his fault entirely. 

“I also lost connection to the Three during the attack. I’ve been in the dark nearly three and half years because of it. I’m here to pay respects and meditate. So, if you still want to give the judgment… be done with it.” Ciel’nn stared at the Head Priest. The dark tone had crept into his voice even he hadn’t meant it to. 

Garnas just stood staring at the grave before him quietly and weighed every word of what had been said. Either he believed the unbelievable explanation or he had to forgive the mer as it seemed lives gets caught in the Daedra games. He’d also have to forgive himself. The air shifted as if something was waking in the ancestral graves. “You’re forgiven and you’re free to meditate at the Temple shrines, child.”

The mer looked as the Head Priest gave a short nod as to something then headed up the stairs. Ciel’nn took a deep breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. He had first believed he’d be ashes as soon as Garnas point his finger at him and deemed him a worthless fetcher as he did at the beginning. The sudden mood change in Garnas puzzled him, though. It went better than I expected.

Ciel’nn turned to leave the ancestral graves when he felt the air shift behind him. It wasn’t a threatening shift, or he’d gone up the stairs in a blink of an eye. Slowly, he turned to see a wraith like ghost floating towards him. Celani? The ghost nodded and stopped close to him. For a moment Ciel’nn could see her like she was before her death. The ghost brought up its ghostly hand gently onto his cheek while Ciel’nn closed his eyes to imagine the touch. When he opened them again he saw the ghost pointing towards the stairs. He nodded realizing he’d been forgiven and turned once more towards the stairs, leaving the goodbyes for his first love. I’ll miss you, but I’ll move on as you want.

At the Temple, Ciel’nn looked around for the Shrines and found them to be more larger. He’d spend the rest of the day at the shrines and then prepare to head back to Mournhold.


	5. Chapter 5 Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel'nn's vacation at home for recovery has come to an end.

With a long finger under his lower lip Maros eyed the tribal tattoos on Ciel’nn’s arms. It had been a surprise, but not a bad one. It was curious - the younger mer didn’t do anything special unless it meant something to him. And if the tattoos were any indication - Ciel’nn was changing. The older mer could almost sense it in the air. “Interesting choice of tattoos, Ciel’nn.” Maros finally said as he leaned against the wall.

Ciel’nn put his shirt back on and sat down on a stylish chair. “They do have a meaning to me; representing what I am, where I belong and the connection with the Three.” Of course, it meant a lot more, but he thought Maros knew what he meant. The older mer always said things straight to him. There were no secrets between them.

It had happened after some meditating when Ciel’nn had felt the connection to the Three becoming stronger. He also had realized some other things during the meditations like he’d have to set out for his own journey, to look for something special. The prospect of having to go on his own and freely decide what to do was exciting. The next chapter of his life he’d dedicate to himself.

“I like when you smile like that.” Maros’ voice called the mer back to Nirn. “I think you’re feeling better and getting back to your old self. Or, should I say shifting to something new?” A playful smirk spread on his lips. “What are you going to do?”

The young mer reflected the smirk like they were two friends getting into mischief. It was their thing. “I do feel better and for once I know what to do.” He paused for a brief second. “I’m going to travel and look for something special. I don’t think traveling with someone is a wise idea because my companions tend to die sooner or later.”

Maros frowned at his friend. He almost was about suggesting to follow what House Hlaalu did usually; make a fortune and build up a merchandise, to lighten his mood. However, he had learned Ciel’nn hated House Hlaalu for various reasons - it had been part of the Empire for one of them. The older mer shifted away from the wall and walked over to another chair opposite the young mer. “Look Ciel’nn, “ he said softly, “I know for sure that you’ll find whatever you’re going to look for. And, as for a travel companion, I’d love to come along, but I’m tied to this place.” He paused and raised the young mer’s chin with his two fingers to his eye level. “Are you listening to me? Good. I don’t know how to advise you, but what if you find a good looking Imperial?”

It was a joke, Ciel’nn knew that, but he still stared at Maros. “I’m petrified, Maros. You know I don’t like the Imperials.” Even if there was a good looking Imperial, he could avoid them by walking far away from them. Not a pile of Azura’s silver or Septims would make him to… “I heard they make good guards. Bodyguards even.” He heard Maros saying and Ciel’nn shook his head. “No Imperials! Are you even joking anymore?”

“There is an Imperial in the house.” Maros grinned as he straightened his back as he heard the young mer groan.

“You’re crazy! I’d better leave soon before you get an idea of fixing me up with him!” Ciel’nn made a face as if he was leaving right at the moment.

“You can’t leave yet! We have a party coming in the next week and you haven’t seen me on the stage yet.” Maros pleaded. “Let it be your departure gift.” He added in a tone that the young mer knew very well.

“You’re on the stage? Fine, I’ll stay for a week longer. Not a word about the Imperials.”

“He’s staying on for a week here, too.”

“Azura help me!”

—

Ciel’nn had decided to meditate for the last time before he’d leave for his journey. He approached the entrance and felt as if something was different about the Temple this time. A slow frown formed on his forehead. It felt like something was beckoning him - it was a new feeling and yet not frightening one.

Inside the Temple, he observed the lobby area to see if anyone was acting oddly, but the Priests were behaving normally. What he did feel was being watched and yet no one was looking at him. Ciel’nn shrugged and walked to the Shrine room where the feeling grew stronger. He walked towards Azura’s shrine, knelt down in front of it and began his meditating.

The connection to the Three were even stronger there in the Temple. Ciel’nn could feel it and it meant he was back at the roots. He had been thankful for Azura’s guidance before the Dremora Lord had did its thing. The mer knew he was at home under the watchful eyes of Azura.With her lighting his journey, Ciel’nn knew he wouldn’t fall onto wrong path.

The shrine of Boethiah was next to meditate at. Somehow Ciel’nn had tendencies to skip meditation for this Daedra Prince because of his father’s constant threats on his life. It had been “Boethiah will punish you” and “Boethiah curse you”. He had been scared with no end. But now… Now through meditation Ciel’nn had found peace and no threats. A certain calmness surrounded him that he hadn’t felt before, whenever he knelt in front of her shrine. With it, he could sleep better.

When Ciel’nn knelt before the shrine of Mephala, he felt a strong sensation of being grounded on his place, but it was also soothing at the same time.

Favored one. 

He heard a whisper in his head when he closed his eyes. It made him alert as he didn’t like to be handled by any Daedric Prince, but he’d had little choice in the matter. So he stayed still and waited for whatever was coming for him. But, all he experienced was absolute darkness with comfort and silence. The part of him that was darkness, wanted to merge with what surrounded him. Ciel’nn didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing, but he felt something changing in him.

Don’t be afraid. Another whisper sounded in his mind and the mer relaxed.

He left the Temple not knowing how long he’d spent in there. Ciel’nn couldn’t even begin to guess, but he felt like… renewed and there was something new that he couldn’t say what it was yet. In all, he was more than ready for the new journey that lay on the horizon. He was eager to face new dangers and get in trouble like Maros used to say. No one would stop him from getting whatever he wanted. Or, they’d meet his blade. A dark smirk crept on his lips as Ciel’nn thought of it all as his hand traced the hilt of his dagger. Yes, whatever would await for him ahead - he was sure that it’d be fun. A lot of fun on his own terms.

He’d need to see Maros for the shopping for supplies and preparing to leave. The coming back home had been good on him. It had been much needed and wanted.


End file.
